A Mother’s Last Gift: Turning Tragedy Into Hope Through the Selfless Act of Organ Donation

The Sunday before Thanksgiving, 18 years ago, Tim Parker’s mother, Judy Richard, came over to his house to spend time with her grandchildren. He remembers her giving his youngest daughter a piggyback ride.

The next morning, Judy woke up with pain in her arm and went to the hospital. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with a blood clot, which broke free and traveled to her brain. On Thanksgiving Day 2007, she was declared brain dead, and Tim was left with a difficult decision. Judy, who was a candidate for organ donation, had never registered to become an organ donor. A nurse wanted to know: Was this something she would have wanted?

Judy, who was a licensed practical nurse, had told Tim informally that she supported organ donation. But Tim was understandably distraught by the unexpected loss—Judy was just 63 years old.

“When she was declared brain dead, I was emotional and upset," remembers Tim, who now works as a photographer for BJC HealthCare. “This was the last thing I was thinking about.”

Tim met with a family support coordinator from Mid-America Transplant, an organization that facilitates organ and tissue donation and offers grief support, who helped him understand how organ donation works and the difference Judy could make for people waiting for livesaving organs. One organ, eye, and tissue donor can help more than 75 people. Today, there are more than 100,000 Americans waiting for an organ, and every eight minutes, another person is added to the waiting list.

But Tim was struggling with knowing that, if he chose to move forward with organ donation, he wouldn’t be able to be with Judy when physicians removed the machines that were helping her breathe. Those same machines were helping circulate Judy’s blood, which is needed to keep organs healthy for potential transplant. Tim, whose mother was his rock while he was growing up, wanted to hold his mother's hand when it came time to withdraw that care.

“My mom got married at 16, had me at 18, and was widowed at 20,” Tim remembers. “She made so many sacrifices to take care of me and, later after she remarried, my sister. She always put us first.” Judy’s kindness extended beyond her family as well. “She was also one of those people who was always bringing home strays. I don’t mean animals. I mean people. She taught at a nursing school, and one of her students was going through a divorce. She ended up living with us for a couple of months.”

Because his mom meant so much to him, the thought of not being there when she passed away devastated Tim. But he also realized that no matter which choice he made, Judy was already gone.

“Growing up, she was my hero,” Tim says. “I thought it would be nice if she could be someone else’s hero after she passed.”

He decided to move forward with donating Judy’s organs.

A photo of Judy and Tim from Tim's childhood

Nothing can fill the hollow a loved one leaves when they pass away. But certain moments can perhaps soften the ache. Days after his mother died, Tim experienced one such moment, which underscored the impact of his decision.

A family support coordinator from Mid-America Transplant called Tim with the news that Judy’s selfless gift was able to help multiple people who were waiting for organs. Along with her corneas, physicians were able to use her kidneys. One kidney went to someone in Kansas City. The other went to a patient in Iowa. Thousands of people like Judy help patients on the wait list every year. At Barnes-Jewish Hospital, physicians deliver lifesaving care to 600 people each year through transplant.

Upon hearing the news about Judy’s kidneys, Tim immediately thought of someone he knew who had received a kidney transplant years before. He remembered what a difference the transplant made in that person's life. His friend, who had two young children, didn’t have to spend time on dialysis daily. Their quality of life improved dramatically.

“When I got that call, I remember thinking, 'Wow, someone else’s life is going to be turned around just like that,’” Tim says. “It made dealing with her passing easier, knowing other families were getting relief and the gift of life because of her. As much as we were hurting, I knew that other families were grateful.”

Registering to become an organ donor is a simple process that can help relieve loved ones of having to make difficult decisions. Register today at organdonor.gov.

Read more about the Washington University and Barnes-Jewish Transplant Center.