How to Support Someone with a Chronic Illness: What To Say and What To Do

When someone you care about shares that they’ve been diagnosed with a chronic condition or that they’re going through a major health event, you might find yourself unsure of what to say to help them. The conversation can feel delicate, and for fear of saying the wrong thing, you may quickly offer, “Let me know if you need anything,” and move on.  

But for people living with chronic illness—about 194 million adults in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention—a small moment of connection or act of support can mean more than finding the perfect words. Research shows that people often cope better with the stress of a diagnosis when they have strong emotional and practical support from others.  

“People who have strong support systems are often better able to adapt to their condition, and studies have shown they tend to have a better quality of life,” says Tanya Backowski, director of BJC Home Care. “Small but consistent gestures—such as sitting with someone at an appointment or remembering important dates—can help build a sense of stability during what is often an unpredictable experience. Over time, that steady support can ease stress, strengthen coping, and help people feel more confident managing the day-to-day challenges of their condition.”

Small acts that can go a long way

The best kind of support is specific and practical and reminds your loved one that they don’t have to endure health challenges alone. Instead of asking, “Is there anything I can do?” provide concrete examples of how you can assist them.  

“A simple offer like driving them to a doctor’s appointment can be a huge relief,” Tanya says. “It eases the stress of managing logistics and makes it easier for the person to accept help because it removes the pressure of having to figure out what to ask for or feeling like they’re burdening someone. It also shows that you’ve taken the time to think about what they might truly need.”

Consider saying:

• “Can I sit with you during treatment or join you for your visit?”
• “I can drive your kids to practice on Monday—would that help?”
• “Would you like me to mow your lawn this weekend?”
• “Do you want company on a short walk or just to get out of the house?”
• “Can I pick up your grocery order for you?”  
• “Do you need help carrying your mail in?”
• “Can I pick up your new medication for you?”  

Remember, if you’re unsure of what they need, it’s OK to say that. Trying asking:  

• “I’m here, and I care about you. What would feel most helpful right now?”  
• “I’m thinking of you. Do you want to talk, or would something practical be more helpful?”

Compassionate communication

When someone is dealing with a health challenge, they often need a safe space to share their thoughts and feelings without judgment.  

“Listening with empathy, rather than offering unsolicited advice, can help them feel heard and more comfortable expressing what they need,” Tanya says. “Feeling comfortable makes it easier for them to ask for practical help, emotional reassurance, or simply someone to sit with them through a difficult moment. Over time, this kind of connection can help reduce feelings of isolation.”

In many cases, it’s not about having the right response—it’s about creating an environment where the person feels safe enough to share honestly. That kind of trust is what turns everyday conversations into meaningful support.

Consider saying:

• “If you want to talk about anything, I’m here. And if you don’t, that’s OK, too.”  
• “We can talk about anything you’re feeling, or we can just sit together—whatever you need.”
• “I’ll check in, but you can always come to me, too—I’m here to listen anytime, not just today.”

Avoid phrases such as:

• “Things could be worse.”
• “Just focus on the positive.”
• “You don’t look sick.”

While your intentions may be sincere, these types of statements can feel dismissive and may minimize a person’s feelings.  

If you feel nervous talking to someone because you’re unfamiliar with their diagnosis, taking time to learn more can help you feel more confident. Turn to trusted sources, such as speaking with a health care professional or accessing reputable medical websites, to better understand what they might be going through.

And remember, if you’re unsure or nervous about what to say, it’s OK to just listen.

Remembering the caregiver

When someone is living with a chronic illness, support often centers on the patient. But many people also have a caregiver—a spouse, child, parent, or other loved one—who is helping them manage appointments, medications, and other needs. Often, caregivers do this important work while balancing other responsibilities, such as raising children, working, or helping other relatives. It’s a meaningful role, but it can also be exhausting. Offering support to a caregiver can give them the time and space to recharge so they can continue to care for their loved one.  

Offer help that’s specific and easy to accept, such as running an errand, bringing a meal, or sitting with their loved one so they can step away, even briefly.  

Simple check-ins such as: “How are you doing?” can help caregivers feel heard and give them the opportunity to talk about their own fears with someone who will listen but not judge.

Consider saying:  

• “You’re doing so much, and it matters.”  
• “I can see how much you care, and you’re doing a great job.”
• “I’m happy to sit with you at an appointment or help take notes.”
• “Let me know a good time for you to have a break. I’ll make it happen.”

Read more about the health benefits of connection.